Tuesday, 18 November 2014

My calves in the armpits of a millionairess

Current Location: Petronella in Arrecife Marina, Lanzarote, the Canaries. Gill and John on the M6 heading northwards from Southampton to Cumbria.

“Water’s wet. Water’s cold. We don’t want you in it, do we?” were the opening words from John, our larger than life ex Royal Navy sea survival trainer. We were at Hamble on the south coast of England for our intensive day of training on how to cope with shipwreck, fire, disease, injury and worse. We learned about life raft inflation, what to do if your skipper loses his marbles, how to be rescued by a helicopter, what to do with poo or period detritus when in your life raft (throw it as far away as you can to reduce the chance of shark attack!), what to put in your grab bags, how to choose your new life jackets and a host of other “must know” information.

There were 16 in our group, mostly in their 50s and early 60s with a smattering of younger sailors. Experience varied from very little to yacht masters. We were targeted by a couple with their friends who are planning to “sell up and sail” much like us. Except that their boat is a 55’ Oyster currently undergoing a complete refit in Southampton. Their electric winches probably cost as much as we paid for Petronella and they couldn’t imagine how we managed with no hot water and only two solar panels. But we had an interesting chat nonetheless.

Half the day involved this theoretical stuff but what we were all really there for was the practical part. Thankfully few sailors ever have to take to their life rafts but it’s better to learn how to “step UP into your raft” in the swimming pool than on a cold, dark, stormy night in the middle of the ocean. So off we went to the local sports college. Change into oilies three sizes too big and don the ancient blow up life jackets. Onto the poolside and jump into the pool using the hand over the nose technique. After trying to swim normal backstroke (very difficult) and front crawl (impossible – I actually moved in the opposite direction) we learned to lie on our backs and make mini backstroke movements. This allowed us to make slow progress but it is pretty hard work. Then eight of us linked up and worked as a long backstroke crocodile. I was behind Ros from the Oyster and incongruously as we paddled towards the inflated life raft I thought “I have my calves in the armpits of a millionairess.” Bizarre or what. Then, in our groups of eight we struggled into the life raft. It’s not easy. Everything is slippery, everyone is struggling to slither in, no one is in command and you are lying on top of people that two hours ago you had never met.

[Photo acknowledgements to Anita]
Next it was time to right the life raft. We each learned how to stand on the step, reach up to the CO2 canister, grab the ladder, walk our hands up the ladder, pull the raft up over our heads, punch some air into the base as it came down on top of us (this was the scary bit for some people), chat to Gemma our swimming assistant whilst in the air pocket under the raft and then calmly swim out from underneath the raft. All in all a very useful experience and one that hopefully we will never need to repeat.

Additional lessons to learn:
-          Check for wasps inside your oilies. They may sting you.
-          Do not put your dry clothes bag on top of a locker with a gap behind. They may disappear eight feet down behind said locker.
-          Always carry a BFK* with you in case you get caught in the various tapes and straps hanging off the life raft.

Shortly after completing this course we went looking for better life jackets with sprayhoods, crotch straps, LED lights and more reflective tape. A sobering day.


*Big Fucking Knife


No comments: