Diving (John)

Blogger: John

So. It is fair to say that water, like snow, is not my natural environment. However I was well prepared to give diving a go. First off – “bapteme”. We gathered at Alpha Plongee, struggled into our wetsuits (no weeing allowed), donned our BCDs (Bloody Cumbersome Divegear), attached our octopuses (you what!) and off we zoomed in the black bullet. We jumped in (yes Em, I did it!) and off we went holding hands with the instructor (Gilly loved this bit with Fabrice our instructeur gorgeouse). Unfortunately my mask leaked, and so did the next one, and the next. Finally mask six was a bit better. Down we went to 8m. A few fish swimming about and some dull looking corals. Some nice bright blue chaps and a little moray eel. It was cold though and my mask was filling up. Quite interesting I guess and by the end I was swimming on my own. The Planters rum and fruit juice at the end was good.

Dive 2 (or Dive 1 of my Open Water course). Much better. I swam along, saw some stuff and cleared my, non leaking mask, helped by some vaseline and a newly shortened moustache. Still, a lot of hanging around though and my ears and sinuses hurt.

Dive 3 (or Dive 2 of my Open Water course). Same process. Into boat with gear, learn what we will do - take off mask and regulator underwater, jump in. HEY! Wtf, we’re whizzing away from the boat in a big current and waves are getting up my nose. Struggle back to the mooring buoy and get trodden on by people on top of me. Bubbles bubbling everywhere. Too rough, get back in the boat. Try the exercises back on the beach. I keep drifting away and turning upside down but I’m not scared at all and I manage all the “games” as the instructors like to call them.

Dive 4 (or Dive 3 of my Open Water course). We’ll learn how to go up and down by breathing in and out today. Oh shit. Mask leaks, sinuses horrid, keep sinking to the bottom so have to hold hands with Gwillem(?) for the whole time so I don’t go deeper and make my ears hurt even more. When we surface, having done none of todays “games”, brown gunge comes out of my nose. “You ‘ave the enrhume. Not good to dive”.

Fizzy tells me using her “oroscope” (didn’t they teach you nothing about dropping your haitches at school Fizzy) that I have impacted wax in my ear. So that was my last dive. I can’t say I was too sorry. I would rather be catching fish than watching them, everything was blurry because of my leaking masks, I was usually cold and going up and down and over and over. Still, I’ve given it a go and I could do it if I had to I guess. Shame, no more rum and fruit juices.